Yes I know that the old saying actually goes, “the calm before the storm.”
In a way it is almost like my whole life has been chaos, and survival mode. Well maybe not my entire life, but from the time that wintery day rolled around in November and my father lost the fight to cancer, it has been chaos.
There has been good, I don’t want to pass over that. But there has been bad, and when you are in the middle of it the bad always overpowers the good, or the bad just clouds your vision from seeing the good.
Grief looks so different for everyone. My family is a prime example of that. There were six of us, and we had all just lost our dad, but the way we all coped was so different. Some of that is contributed to the age variations we all were, but in the end it all looked/looks different.
Honestly, it is like my dad dying was the first domino to fall and after that everything just kept falling. It has been funeral after funeral. It has been rehab after rehab. Tears and more tears. Doubt and more doubt. Fear and more fear.
The list could go on…
I don’t want a pity party, or a comparison game of “my life has been harder than yours.” That is not the point of this post. The point of this post is so if you are the one that feels like the calm will never come that you can be encouraged that the calm will in fact come.
I know that sometimes it feels like it is one thing after another. My little brother looked at me one night through tears and said, “Adria why does everything bad happen to our family?”
I’ve been waiting, waiting for twelve years to be able to say, “we are all okay.”
Today, today I can finally say we are all okay.
With my oldest brother coming home from rehab next week, the last prodigal is returning home.
Last night my oldest sister and her husband were over and we were looking through old pictures and crying laughing, and I kept taking pictures and sending them in our family group message. It was then that I realized that the calm had finally settled over my family. Why did a group message make me realize that? Because for so long a group message with all of us in it has not even been possible.
My family has this obsession with Lord of the Rings. The author of those books, Tolkien, has this quote that says…..
“It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass.”
Maybe that is you today. Maybe you are wondering how could the end be happy when there has been so much bad. How can life go back to the way it was?
Maybe that is you, because that has been me. For twelve years I have wondered how life would ever go back to the way it was. The way it was when everyone was in the same place for holidays. The way it was when the emptiness of someone missing didn’t feel so heavy that you can barely breathe. The way it was when every night didn’t consist of tears. Maybe you are wondering just like I wondered.
But in the end, this storm, it is only a passing thing.
-Anna is now happily married and expecting her second child.
-Allison is an amazing fourth grade teacher.
-Joseph will come home next week and finish up getting his degree at Georgia Tech.
-Jonathan lives in Idaho where he is living his dream working on a ranch.
-I am in college at Clayton State, working part time, and coaching volleyball.
-Jacob will be a senior next year and just started his very first job.
And my mom, the one who has loved every one of us through it all, is in Mexico this week! That is a big deal. True proof that things have calmed down, and boy didn’t she deserve that trip.
So, to you, to the one who is waiting for the calm. Hold on.
It might be days.
It might be weeks.
It might be years.
But even darkness must pass.
And until it does, keep singing His praise.
“Even when the fight seems lost I’ll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell I’ll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise.” Hillsong United
What a journey it has been for my family, and I am not naive, I know it will continue to be a journey. But this I know to be true, Jesus is our hiding place, our shelter within the storm. He is the foundation that my family has stood on, the only thing that has kept us from crumbling.
That day will come.
That day when you will be okay.
When that day comes, what a story you will have to tell.
When that day comes, you will look back and see Jesus has been faithful all along.
Press on.
