The conversation about mental illness – it is slowly but surely growing from a faint whisper into a tone of voice loud enough for people to hear. Anxiety, depression, suicide thoughts, things that for so long have been a topic of conversation that was hushed and pushed to the back burner. I am not quite sure why it has taken all this time for us to take even the smallest steps of welcoming the conversation. There is a stigma that comes with the phrase “mental illness.” It has not been looked at like alcoholism, porn addiction, eating disorders, etc. All of these typically are treated like a scarlet letter. We do not like to talk about them either but we don’t ask people to shove those struggles into a closet. We let them be known, visibly seen.
Mental illness – some haven’t wanted to talk about it and some haven’t wanted people to show any signs of it. Others are naïve enough to think it isn’t worth talking about because it does not exist. I cannot quite make sense of the wrestle we are in. It is like even those of us who don’t struggle with mental illness are still struggling within our own minds when we have responded to it in some of the ways we do. Maybe we all need more help with our thinking than we think….
This past week my pastor shared a message on mental illness, where he said a phrase that I haven’t been able to shake all week, “just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean you get to be quiet.” It struck a chord deep within me.
I don’t understand mental illness. I will not sit here and act like I do. I have had low moments. Haven’t we all? Stressed and depressed are two diffident things though. I will never claim to understand what it is like fight that battle. Because of that, it has left me wondering what my part is in this conversation. I don’t feel qualified to be a spokesperson. I don’t feel like it is my place to bring up something that I do not have credibility with. Yet, at the same time, I have felt deeply burdened by all of this. So where do I fit? Where do we fit? Because my pastor is right, not understanding doesn’t mean we get to back away from this ongoing war while the enemy attacks so many of those around us.
I believe our part in the conversation is our response.
When I was a freshman in college my oldest brother struggled with debilitating anxiety. Behind his closed door, in the dark, he was wrestling with a monster that I doubted existed. I was a person who rolled her eyes and internally thought, “get up.” However, it became real to me that year. It became real when my brother, who is now a nuclear engineer, couldn’t shake it. He missed class. He dropped out of school. His mind, one of the most brilliant ones I will ever come in proximity to, and still he found no strides. I knew then that this was so much more than mind over matter. It was so much more than someone just making a choice to do differently. This was evil and this was a spiritual war. I could not see what was happening inside my brother’s mind. For a while I believed that made it not real, but, scripture tells us our battle is not against flesh and bones but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Even more so for a reason for me to know that the unseen battle was something we were warned about long before now.
My judgmental thoughts and pride quickly came back as conviction. This feels so important to share because I want to own that I did it wrong for so long. I was that person who didn’t think the conversation needed to happen because this was not a thing. I was that person who was annoyed by the little bit of screen time mental health was getting. I was wrong. Thank you Jesus that in your kindness you lead us to repentance.
I had no idea that shortly after this season with my brother that I would walk through the same fight with my closest friend but this time I would show up differently. I would show up differently because I knew my response was my responsibility. It was my part.
I never had answers for her. I never had anything to say. I would not throw scripture at her that talked about casting her anxieties on the Lord. I wouldn’t tell her to pray more. These were things she knew. There are times when people needed to be reminded of truth that they are already aware of but there are other times when reminding them can feel like chastising them. I was aware that the only thing I had to offer her was my compassion.
Compassion.
That is what I get to bring to the table when it comes to the conversation of mental health or any struggle someone is facing that I might not completely understand. Compassion will give me the right thinking. Compassion will let me show up the way I should every single time. Compassion recognizes people’s pain. Compassion acknowledges the existence of something. I have found that in most cases people are not looking for answers they are looking for you to recognize where they are. Compassion does that. Compassion is to be concerned for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Compassion does not condemn people; it shows you care about people. We can do that no matter how much we understand or don’t understand.
It is not just my opinion it is God’s command to His people, “therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion…” Colossians 3:12. Even more than that, this is exactly what Jesus did. As He went throughout cities and villages teaching in synagogues, preaching, and healing, fully aware of the state the people around Him were in, He never once condemned them. Scripture tells us what He did when He saw these people.
“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them…” Matthew 9:36
If this was Jesus’ response, we can be confident that it is to be ours too.
Practically what does this look like? It isn’t much. It is far less complicated than you think. We are not called to have the answers. We are not called to heal people. All we got is our response. When we realize that all we have control over is how we respond, it simplifies things greatly
For me, it has been verbalizing a couple things to those in my world who have shared their struggles with mental illness. First, right from the get-go telling them that I will never claim to understand where they are but that I fully acknowledge that where they are at is real and it is hard. Second, I constantly want to remind them that I do not have expectations for them to “fully conquer” or do I think that their good days mean there will be no more bad days. I believe in the power of the Lord to deliver people totally and completely. However, I never want people to feel shame on my end when there is a reoccurring struggle. I am not claiming to be an expert on this. I am saying that I have responded to two different ways to metal illness and this one has been the better choice.
Compassion is not a one-time thing. It is something we extend continuously because it has been extended to us continuously by Christ.
“But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion…” Jeremiah 12:15
There is finally a table that we are creating for people to come and have the freedom to talk about mental illness. The seats around it are not just for those who are struggling with it or who have suffered with it in the past. There is a seat for every single one of us. If the enemy is going to rage war, and he is, then we want a united front. We want as many people on the battle lines as we can get. We want the church to link arms and fight with our brothers and sisters. For those who have been there, the weapon you hold is the power to make people know they are not alone. For those of us who have not been there, our weapon is our response to the conversation.
Our weapon is compassion.
Let’s use it.
I have a seat at the table.
So do you.
**To my friends/family who have given me the honor of walking through the fight of mental health with you, thank you for letting me learn from you and become better by journeying with you. Even in the struggle, the enemy faces defeat, because the Lord has used it.
